Can You Buy Your Ex Back?

Have you ever resorted to expensive gifts to make up for major misdeeds in the course of your relationship? Many men offer costly gifts to the women they love in hopes of smoothing things over and making it right. It may have started out with flowers and chocolates. Over time, the practice escalated to expensive jewelry, cars, homes, and vacations. The bigger the misdeed, the bigger the buyoff. 

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Unfortunately, this practice often does more harm for the relationship than good. The relationship becomes a series of highs and lows with each one attempting to outdo the other. Eventually, you're either out of money or in debt so big that even more problems are being created. All the while, nothing is getting solved. It's just being temporarily swept underneath the discarded ribbons, bows, and tissue paper.

Here are a few questions to help you get a handle on your gift buying tendencies whenever relationship problems arise.

How Much Will it Really Cost?

The costs are not always measured in dollars and cents. Men, especially, will gladly pay the price in dollars to avoid the emotional confrontation required to deal with the real, underlying problem in the relationship. Buying gifts provides a quick, albeit temporary, fix for a problem they don't really want to face. The thing is, the problem is still there the next time mistakes are made and the price tag for avoidance keeps getting bigger and bigger every single time.

How Much Have You Spent Already?

The other point to consider is this. How much money have you already spent trying to delay the inevitable? The longer you attempt to put it off, the harder it's going to be to deal with when the time comes. It's kind of like an onion. The core problem is still there. Unfortunately, you're going to have to go in and peel each individual layer, uncovering new problems and hurt feelings along the way, to get to the heart of the matter when the time does arrive to fix the problem or walk away. That money could solve many problems you're having and would have likely been much better spent building your future together rather than covering up the "sins of the past."

How much can you really afford to spend? This is the final question for many men in your shoes. There's never really enough, is there? Love is something that can't be bought. Forgiveness can't really be purchased either. Women may joke about it, but the truth is they'd rather fix the problems and save the relationship the old-fashioned way than through gifts and bribes. She's MUCH rather receive gifts from you as tokens of love from you instead of buyoffs for her affections.

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Can Cheating Be Good for a Relationship?

More often than not, the kneejerk reaction to this question is "No way!" At least, that's the clean version of the reaction. However, there are times when cheating can be good for a marriage. This is the case, according to research conducted by Dr. Lucielle Ostertag from the Italian Institute of Social Sciences. Her study concluded that husbands and wives who cheat on each other are more likely to remain married. She further concluded, however, that long-term affairs, on the other hand, were detrimental to the marriage. 

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Obviously, the theory raised in this study has been met with a great deal of controversy. It goes against what we've been teaching in churches and communities over the last few hundred years. However, if you look back even further, the idea of one man for one woman is a relatively new concept. In the early years of humankind, it was all about survival of the species. In later years, as survival was far more assured, monogamy became the prevailing philosophy and has been adopted by many religions and cultures around the world ever since.

When Does Cheating Work?

According to Dr. Ostertag cheating works best when it's done far from home, is a short-lived fling, and when couples adopt a "don't ask; don't tell" philosophy about their cheating. Some couples even plan for cheating and establish ground rules so that it works for them. 

How Can People Believe Cheating is Good?

Since the idea of cheating goes against the grain, it's hard for many people to understand why or how it could possibly be a good thing. The problem with many marriages is that you do marry your best friend. You love each other, but over time, the newness of it all, the sexual excitement, waivers. Turning to a short-term alternative, allows a little newness and excitement into the relationship without sacrificing the emotional bond or love the husband and wife have for one another.

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There is another way cheating can help make marriages stronger. That way involves confirming that the grass is perfectly green within the marriage. Sometimes, the affair serves to affirm the loving relationship you have at home. 

Is Cheating Good for all Relationships?

Absolutely not! There are all kinds of relationships where this would never work. Some people believe that there are certain vows that simple should not be broken. Forsaking all others is one of those vows. There's nothing wrong with being unable to forgive infidelity or unable to accept the idea that cheating could be good for marriage. Obviously, every marriage is different. What may be good for one is not necessarily good for others.

The take home from this should not be used to justify cheating. It's meant to show that it is possible to salvage your relationship, forgive, and move on even if your spouse has cheated on you. It is possible to forgive if that's what you want to do. You'll ultimately have to decide if you can make the most out of it in an effort to build a better relationship in the aftermath.

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Stop Comparing Your Romance to those On the Big Screen

There are many reasons why your romance will never measure up to those on the big screen. If you're constantly comparing your relationship, then you'll never be satisfied and both of you will end up being hurt in the long run. You might be curious about why it's such a bad thing to compare your relationship to those "picture perfect" relationships in Hollywood. Here are a few good reasons why your relationship will never measure up to theirs and why that's a good thing.

Hollywood Films have Professional Script Writers

More importantly, these scriptwriters spend hours agonizing over the right words and sequence of events to create a plausible conversation. And they have control of all sides of the conversation. In real world relationships, you only get control of what comes out of your own mouth and that's tenuous at best in the heat of the moment. 

You Don’t Get To Start The Scene Over When it Doesn't Play Out Right

The more heated the discussion becomes, the less control you seem to have over the words coming out of your mouth. That doesn't happen in Hollywood. The director just cuts the scene and takes a break when things aren't flowing the right way. You don't get an opportunity to "un-ring" bells in real life. Once it's come out of your mouth, it's there. In all its glory and for the one person who means the most in the world to hear.

The Actors Put Their Characters To Bed, Alone, Each Night

After a long day of practice, script reading, and careful staging or choreography, the actors leave their characters behind and return to their own lives. That's not a luxury you have when you're comparing your relationship to those on the Silver Screen. You're comparing something real -- your own relationship -- to something that's make believe and temporary at best. 

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Actors in the movies don't have to decide who pulls the midnight shift for diaper duty. They don't have to fight over who washes dishes or even who gets control of the remote control for the evening or any of the other petty worries that cause discontentment in modern relationships. 

At the end of the day, everything in Hollywood is the work of an entire team of people working towards one common goal. Hair is always picture perfect; makeup is just right, music, mood lighting, and script in place to produce a little magic on the screen. These things, while enchanting in pictures, fall flat and just shy of satisfying in real life. In the end, you'd grow tired of the façade and run off in search of the real deal or relationship gold. That's why it's better to skip out on the perfect front Hollywood presents and go for something a little heartier in your own relationships instead.

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Building a Better Foundation for Your Marriage To Avoid A Divorce Or Break Up

Marriage requires work. This is something most couples don't comprehend - in any event when strolling into the marriage contract. All connections require work. Business connections, child rearing connections, but, such a large number of individuals are astonished to find exactly the amount of work is required to make a marriage effective. Some couples do make it look simple. These are the couples, as a rule, who have assembled their relational unions on strong establishments. In case you're occupied with keeping your marriage on track, getting it back on track, or attempting to get it on track from the earliest starting point, you have to consider these tips for building a superior establishment.

 Talk about Your Past - Briefly 

It's in the past and that is the place it needs to remain. Unless you have significant mysteries you're concealing that could hurt your relationship not far off, there isn't much to say in regards to past connections, associations, and occasions. That doesn't mean you ought to endeavor to shred things. Just that it isn't important to talk about the close subtle elements of each kid you've kissed from third grade on up. Connections are frequently made more grounded as a result of a mutual history yet the connections that last are the ones that keep their eyes on the future and are not always gazing once again into the past.

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This additionally works for battles, contentions, contradictions, and so on. Abandon them in the past and proceed onward. On the off chance that you can't forgive and never look back, figure out how to work it out with the goal that you're not always harping on it. In the event that it's a continuous issue discover an answer that works for you both or it will keep on being an issue in your marriage.

 Make Arrangements for the Future - Keep them Flexible

Adaptability is a word that should be a foundation for all relational unions. It's one thing to have a future mapped out together. You need to get ready for what's to come. In any case, you have to abstain from adhering to those arrangements so unbendingly that they endanger your future together. 

 Grasp the Moment - You Never Know How Many You'll Have

Life is short. Furthermore, it offers no assurances. You never know what number of dawns and night falls you'll get in your marriage. Disease, mishaps, and even relationship turmoil can deny you without bounds you sought after. Appreciate the time you have together. At the point when frivolous contentions emerge, truly think, long and hard, if the contention is justified regardless of the dissension. Choose on the off chance that it merits denying you of the delight of being as one - notwithstanding for a minute. When you assemble a superior establishment for your marriage, in view of these standards, you'll see an enormous distinction in the way you approach issues and work to discover arrangements. Eventually, you'll both have a more content marriage that requires less work than numerous different couples battling for a future that isn't working for them, reiterating past contentions, or neglecting to exploit the time they have together today. 

 

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Should You Even Try to Win Your Ex Back?

In the first few days, even weeks, after your breakup, the only thing you can think about is how to get your ex back. It's understandable. Depending on how long the two of you were together, you've shared a lot of life. It's hard to just walk away and pretend it never happened.

The odds are good that your ex isn't walking off unaffected either. The only real difference is that your ex has been thinking about this for a while. People don't walk away from long-term-relationships on a whim. In other words, your ex has had a little more time to deal with the emotional side of the decision than you have.

If you're struggling to decide if the right choice is to walk away or fight to get your ex back, these questions should help you decide.

Is the Love Still There?

This is a huge question you need to know the answer to before you make a single step to try and win your ex back. While you can only guess about how your ex really feels, you can, and should, explore your own feelings in depth before making your next move. If the love isn't really there, you should not waste your time and energy, or that of your ex, trying to rekindle something that's simply not there anymore.

Is the Relationship You Had Truly Worth Rehashing?

Most relationships have their shares of ups and downs. Successful relationships have far more ups in them than downs. Take a look back over the course of your entire relationship. How do the ups compare to the downs for you? Were the good times really good? How bad were the darkest days? Are you willing to experience them again if necessary?

How far are You Really Willing to Go to Make It Work?

You must be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work in most cases for that to happen. Your ex is likely to throw in a few pitfalls and tests along the way, if he or she is even willing to give it a go. Be prepared for them and ready to ace them with flying colors. Don't even think about letting her see you sweat. But the willingness goes even deeper than passing a few tests. You must be willing to make a few vital changes for the sake of your relationship. But you won't often find out what they are until the moment arrives. Just be prepared. Some of the changes may not be all that simple to make.

Most importantly, however, is your willingness to be the one to wait. This is often the most difficult, and most necessary, part of winning back your ex. Waiting for the right moment, though, makes all the difference in the world. I can help you understand when that moment is and help you come up with the ideal strategy to turn it into a prime opportunity.

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